the others
Home. Land of life and scans ahoy… A few weeks ago my little sister (the rebel who told my parents she was going on holiday and then disappeared for about 9 months apart from visiting 2 days when my Dad was on the oncology ward last september and a brief xmas appearance) returned to the parental homeland. But she did not return alone. Who did she bring with her? Friends met along the way? The elusive Kenyan army boyfriend? I wish. Nope, she brought her belly. And in it, a 20-week-old feotus. Who else did not know that antibiotics reduce the affects of the contraceptive pill?
Went to a scan the other day… very strange, especially when the little alien started squiggling around and for a tiny dot of a moment the whole screen seemed to gasp with tiny fingers and feet. Apparently they can hear noises in utero and sometimes they move their hands to cover their ears. This little one kept throwing her arms up and putting a shadow over her heart so that the technician couldn’t measure it properly. How delicate must a creature be that the movement of their limbs throws a shadow over their very core? I hope she’s as naughty as her mother.
Dad’s got a scan next week. His headaches are back with a new, spiky sensation. Hopefully it is just stress from selling the business or something like that. Since the chemo stopped working and he’s been neat on dexamethasone his hair has grown back a bit, but he still looks like a beachball on sticks. It won’t go away… but as long as it doesn’t get bigger, we can all breathe a little deeper.
Was life simpler when we could not scan our bodies to see what was happening inside them? Can secrets ever stay locked away indefinitely? Would they be there if no one could feel them? And, can the human pysche ever bear to turn its back on finding out for sure? In a paradoxical way, what’s happened to my dad and sister is not all that unrelated. Both have othered entities growing inside them, and neither knew about it until their bodies began to respond… The hosts are the same, feeding, watering, living… But the others? Well, I guess that’s the difference between life and death.
Filed under: Uncategorized | 9 Comments
Tags: cancer, holidays, home, host, parasite, pregnancy, scans
Your writing here is so artistic, I can’t tell if this is true of just a story. If it’s true, wow you must be going through a lot… It’s a really interesting situation. I constantly think I’m going to die from a brain tumor or lung/throat cancer – cheerful is my mind! x
thank you! unfortunately it’s all true… my family life is one big soap drama at the moment! when my dad first got diagnosed last august, it was so out of the blue and random because he was absolutely fine right up until he presented with brain tumour symptoms. He never smoked, he was fit and healthy and didn’t drink very much… so afterwards I got kind of scared as well – I mean if someone as healthy as him could be living with malignant tumours in their body for so long then why not me as well? But I think that worrying about it doesn’t do any good whatsoever, if it’s there, it’s there and you’ll deal with it when it makes itself known to you… Otherwise you’re just wasting the time you have when you’re healthy. xx
I totally agree with that. Sometimes I totally freak myself out thinking about what if this or that is wrong, and in the end all you can do is think, as you say, ‘if it’s there, it’s there’.
Hope you’re coping alright! I will happily take you out and get you horrendously drunk anytime – a healthy way in which I deal with issues all the time! xx
i hope that everything ends okay.
me too. thats bad about your dad, and Im sorry but what a coincedence that your sister is pregnant, are you excited about being an auntie?
thank you! Things are looking up – after a scary relapse last week which landed dad back in a & e for a little while he’s finally been approved by the nhs to try out a new cancer drug. His consultant has been trying to get him on it from the start but it’s one of those things you can’t get until you prove that radiotherapy and chemo haven’t worked… so he had to get worse and worse before being granted a new chance to try and get better… What a strange system we live in.
Yeah I am getting a bit excited about being an auntie – mainly because I can still fit into my jeans and drink but also look at baby clothes! Little sis is now almost in her 3rd trimester and getting rather on the rotund side… In true salute to her teenagedom she has refused to take out her belly ring even though it’s beginning to look a bit like a misshapen worm stapled to a beach ball. Hot. She’s going to be a good mother though. I can tell that just from her reaction to my wide and wonderful suggestions of baby names.
Your dad will be fine. Hugs cure all.
…Your sister! Christ almighty! rebel much?
This is a really good piece of writing. xxxxx
I always kick myself for staying away too long from your blog. Reading it is always an experience! I hope your Dad is currently doing well….and your sister! Wow. I bet that was a shock. I can’t think of my little sister coming home pregnant. What did your parents say? I’m a half-auntie to three, but I never see them. My half-brother is so whipped by his new wife, who seems to hate our family. It kinda makes you feel old tho – I’ve always associated aunties with middle-aged ppl you either see a lot or never at all who sometimes give you rubbish presents because they have no idea of the person you are. Not ungrateful at all here…
Does your sister like any names in particular?
Hope work is going well too! I have stupidly left everything to the last minute. We never learn.
x
ditto what lucifer said about staying away from your blog… wow about your sister being home now and the pregnancy. that’s crazymental. how does she feel about it all?
I hope your dad’s doing better than when you wrote this post and I hope you’re doing okay dealing with all the drama, it must be really difficult and i can’t begin to imagine just how much.
Aside from the actual content and truth of this, your writing is chillingly beautiful x